The instinct I’ve mentioned so much—the one I repress because it’s primitive—reacts before reason does… in other words, the anesthesia kicks in without you even noticing.
Instinct doesn’t knock on the door; it climbs through the window and then reason loses the entire “why” folder…
Instinct switches to automatic protection mode before you can even start asking questions, or it makes you feel the illusion that you’re in control when you’re actually in defense mode because the body decided to shut down sensitivity.
They say there are doors you shouldn’t touch twice… there are non-regulated people. I didn’t know that until I met one who was fully aware of himself and his non-regulation but was way too busy performing.
The dangerous part is when someone knows themselves but still chooses the image. That’s when the relationship becomes performance, not bonding. And you end up being either prop or threat, depending on what the script calls for. I’m not saying this in judgment: everyone survives however they can.
The hardest thing in life is to look your own shadow straight in the face.
I have to accept that it bothers me to simplify the complex just so it becomes digestible… I avoid distortions all the time…
When something doesn’t inspire trust, it’s like being in a room where every alarm goes off… I’d rather not amplify the dissonance that I detect it in someone—especially when they’ve already detected it in themselves and still chose to stay inside the noise…
Me? No, dear reader, I don’t hand out information, energy, or access.
There are random people you interact with who can be dangerous—dangerously incompetent out there—so I always keep an ace up my sleeve to get me out of any uncomfortable situation.
Not everyone wants to be melody inside the noise, and that’s neither good nor bad, because I think good is subjective in a world where we’re all bad in some way…
This week I told some friends that, as humans, there are good people without ethics and bad people with ethics, and even though it hurts to admit it, the difference lies in ethics before humanity… because humanity without ethics is pure impulse, and impulse disguises itself very easily.
But ethics depends on the values you were raised with… but careful with the nuance I’m hinting at: if ethics depend on the values you were raised with, then there are incompatible ethics.
Someone can be “ethical” inside a value system that to you is monstrous. Or they can be ethical out of fear, reputation, or calculation—not conviction.
They can still be useful, but it’s not the same.
Still, I want to touch on a practical truth: to relate, to do business, to live without drama, what you need is not “goodness.”
It’s consistent principles + self-control + capacity to repair.
The melody isn’t “being good.” It’s being coherent.
But anyway, this isn’t the post to expand on that topic…🥸
My point here is how crazy it is, metaphorically, that two fires with different combustion seem like they’re going to burn everything down—except you realize the fire that looked red was just soot, and the fire that was actually blue doesn’t rebuild flames…
It withdraws in silence because, as I said before, it doesn’t negotiate conditions.
Sometimes I take breaks because the superficial exhausts me; my energy is like blue fire—susceptible to contamination… that’s when I distance myself from everything to purify my center, my philosophy says:
Not everything that burns is fire, and not every fire is meant to burn just anywhere.
The power of choice only works in people who are already conscious… if there’s no consciousness, you’re just reacting, not choosing.
Entering something toxic knowing you’re going to burn rules just to explore an edge—that I call “dangerous alchemy.”
Testing a version of yourself under particular conditions only serves to rewrite the book… But no, there’s no lesson in self-inflicted burns; the lesson only appears when you integrate and repair—otherwise it’s just an epic repetition of scorched pages 😮💨
When I talk about non-regulated people, I mean their inability to bond without dominating or manipulating… they never show their vulnerable side.
Pappa is the closest person I know who loves living in ‘domination’ performance, and a few others..
I call them “conscious ppl with a twist”: they use awareness to justify themselves like it’s an Olympic talent.
Chemistry doesn’t negotiate with logic. Thinking otherwise is confusing desire with a PowerPoint presentation 🤷♀️
I’m not a minion… I don’t negotiate what I think just to please… nor do I pretend if I don’t find ethics in your essence.
And if the world is absurd: people think “second chance” is an automatic virtue. Sometimes it is noble.
But sometimes it’s low self-love with moral branding.
Personally, “Being cheese is kind of comfort zone”—that’s what I think. It’s not ‘love others’ or ‘love yourself’; it’s more fear of facing something outside the perimeter.
But anyway, you know how I am. I just write my thoughts because, like Flannery O’Connor said: “I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.”
My new philosophy says:
“Be what isn’t you — be what moves you to be.”
I really don’t want to owe anyone an explanation just because I ‘belong’ to them, but I also don’t want to be disposable just because I don’t give them… though that doesn’t depend on me.
I don’t hold onto anyone who’s scared and wants to run.
If you don’t dare to really know me, I let you go because tying anything down isn’t in my nature.
I don’t want romance scripts… but I also don’t want to be a recreational activity… so good luck, sincerely! 😉
Let me be straight up: the signal can “dip out whenever it wants,” then loyalty is no longer toward a static core, but toward the quality of the connection right here and now.
Get this: it explains very well why so many people feel empty: it’s not that they “lost their essence”—it’s that they stopped tuning in.
It’s like blaming the guitar for the guitarist’s skills… Yeah, maybe the kid’s got better fingers. Maybe the old lady lost hers somewhere. Maybe it’s all just… wear and tear on the instrument.
And the signal/soul? Just the music. Doesn’t get old or it lives inside. Doesn’t even know there’s such a thing as hands. It’s playing through.
And the scarier truth? Everyone’s too busy performing to notice. But if you stop? If you just drop the mask, strip the stage—there isn’t even silence. There’s just signal. And that’s louder than any blue check on social media 😮💨
Well, when you’re single the only thing you look for is a “happy ending” in everything, but happy ending is not strictly the same as something that lasts.
For me, performing on autopilot means choosing anesthesia.
Bye now! 😎
