This week, I’ve been chewing on the whole dating app scene 🥸
Some folks treat ’em like a carnival ride, all fun and games, while others are hunting for a real mirror—a glimpse of something true.
Spoiler: all you get is a funhouse reflection of yourself, warped as hell haha
Too real?
Maybe, but you know my style—think film noir with a side of sass, like tossing spices into a dish.
I never promising this pan won’t splatter some grease haha 🔥
Here’s what cracks me up: rattling off these dating apps, not to clown on ’em (okay, maybe a little), but to feel that burn in the eyes haha
“Swipe or die” is the unspoken motto.
So, let’s dish on the top 5:
- Tinder, the granddaddy of debauchery, came in hot like it’s all fire and passion… Now? It’s just an attention bazaar where bodies are worth as long as your thumb’s scrolling..
- Yup, Bumble… Empowering women? … to drop the same tired “hey” they used on Tinder haha
- Facebook Dating… Nobody knew it existed haha… Zuck’s out here playing Human Marketing—Third place goes to META’s nosy-ass empire, dying to know who you’re sipping drinks with.. If you’ve got this app, bet you’ve got FarmVille on your phone too..
- Fourth up is Sparks, but let’s be real—it’s just a pile of soggy matches haha… You really think an app’s gonna keep that “spark” alive? Good luck sparking anything haha
- Damn, Hinge, bold move.. And the current crowd fave, claiming it’s “designed to be deleted.” But the only thing getting deleted is realness—AI-filtered pics, folks swearing undying love but can’t hold a convo without a buzz or sober..
Who am I to throw shade, though?
If Netflix gets endless seasons, why not let these apps run forever? 🤣
Here’s the tea:
These apps peddling love are just dopamine servers, while the chat’s hot, and many buying subscriptions for recycled loneliness..
Simple, guys:
Swiping, not feeling.
Expectations with no substance.
Emotional status faking “never alone” vibes..
Sad vibes buddies 😮💨
Gossip Sech:
Let’s talk raw truth through the lens of male desire, twisted by the system.
A few days back, a straight friend of mine spilled some real talk.
My girls, don’t take this personal—it’s not a universal rule 😉
I was chilling at a bar in NYC, vibing with some colleagues..
I ditched the crowd for a hot sec, strutting to the bar alone to soak up the mess from the sidelines 😉
One of my boys rolls up and goes:
“Hey Kim, you swiping?”
“Haha, caught me off guard, dude 😅.”
He hits me with:
“Kim, what’s a girl looking for on those apps?”
I kept it 100, no filter:
“Look, sexy, it’s like flipping through a magazine, unless for me haha.. You spot a hot guy, maybe a bio that reads like a rom-com script, and I’m like, ‘Damn, I gotta meet this dude and see how far he can stretch that charm.’”
He laughed, but then came the classic:
“You’re not looking for love on there?”
I raised an eyebrow, turned to the bartender, and ordered a Whiskey Sour, nice and slow…
He insisted “Kim, yes or no?”
I hit him back:
“A while back, I got a puppy ’cause I was bored and thought, ‘I need a bf.’ Then I was like, nah— If someone’s gonna mess up, I at least want those sad, sincere puppy eyes owning it. I’d never hunt for love on an app.”
I winked and started heading back to the table.
But he grabbed my arm:
“Hold up, Kim, come back. I need to finish this convo.’
“This better be worth it 😴.” I said..
We posted up at the bar again, and I laid it out:
“Look, girls in straight dating dynamics feel the heat—On those apps, you gotta be hot, period—But deep down, they just want someone real to love them. I know girls who check a guy’s location to see if the app’s still active. Toxic dudes do it too.
So, tell me, what’s the point of hopping on an app if you’re just gonna chain someone up or mess with their minds?”
He went quiet. Then he spilled:
“Damn, Kim. Look, I met this girl, but it’s just texts so far.
Haven’t seen her in person.. I was scared you’d say something like that…
She seems emotionally open, but if she’s not hot, I might just cut it off.. You know, with all the filters out there, it’s hard to tell— And honestly, I’m not even in the right headspace for this yet.”
I didn’t sugarcoat it:
“Tell her that. Don’t be a selfish prick just ’cause you’re hooked on your phone. Grow up boy ;)’
I took a sip of my Whiskey Sour, told him I was heading back with the other guys, and slid in, “Oh, and you pay for this one 🥃.. Therapy ain’t free 😉” haha
Listen up y’all—stop joking yourselves and keep it 100 😎
I don’t think our chats should be tombstones with potential zombies lurking. Even a graveyard’s got less ghosts than some of these dating app dynamics.
I’m not here for ghosting to “spare feelings.” I’d rather keep it real…
Nobody should play along with expectations or fake feelings just to keep someone’s illusions alive.
Honesty is the bare minimum of self-respect—I’m not out here feeding emotional ghosts 😮💨
I once wrote, “love is free will”
But after chatting with a friend of mine in Pennsylvania, recently, I learned studies say that’s BS haha
Why?
Well, we don’t have free will 🤷♀️
So, in short, love’s just the sci-fi version of sex.. Society pulled off a PR masterclass, and it’s still a hit across generations 💍😒
My take on this? Well, if you’re gonna have fun, do it, but don’t drag souls around on leashes. Emotional connections are not subscription services.
If it’s “not working,” “boring,” or “not my vibe,” just log off politely—no need for a screaming match.
Once, another friend of mine—yep, another dude—told me, “Kim, I can’t just say upfront I only wanna hook up.”
Damn! Don’t be naive! If you’re a woman on a dating app in the 21st century, you already know the deal.. so plsss😮💨
That’s the wrap, dear readers.. I respect my word too much to use it as an emotional sleight of hand.
Me? I’m chaos, but my fire doesn’t burn anyone—it just lights up minds.
Bye now❤️🔥
