Today I took a flight to Toronto, and well, I must say I’ve never understood, from my reasoning, why people aren’t logical in their judgment.
As I’ve told you so many times before, I deeply respect anyone who has their own opinion and doesn’t let themselves be swayed by trends.
Now, I’ll be clear about this: not letting yourself be influenced by the world doesn’t mean you don’t like a lot of what you see. In fact, I once read a quote that said, “learn to observe without absorbing.”
These days I was chatting with my friends—all of them beautiful. Even though you know how important it is for me to deal with intellectual people, I hang out with them every now and then because it’s always good to have the full perspective, you know, a 50-50 of everything.
It’d be impossible to say my reasoning is correct if I don’t listen to others, since everyone, in one way or another, teaches us something.
There’s a phrase someone I consider very wise once told me: “don’t be stubborn about listening and obstinate about speaking.”
Though I think I’d phrase it differently, he explained it to me—when I say this, because I know what you’re thinking, Kim—many times we’re as reluctant as a donkey to follow advice, but we’re quick to speak up, and often acting is implicitly saying something.
So, the topic of conversation with my friends was about why so many relationships aren’t monogamous… It’s hard to define something when it’s only half-said, but you and I both know there are words that simply have a meaning… haha, gotcha!
One of them said, “Kim, you who knows everything and finds answers for what you don’t, I was dating a doctor, a surgeon, my age, checked all the boxes on my list, plus we got along well, and suddenly he stopped inviting me out. I’d text him, and he wouldn’t reply.. It filled me with anxiety, and I swear I don’t know what to do. I think, on top of everything, I’m a pretty girl…”
First of all, ppl out there, don’t be bad! Let Ghosting go!
It was hard for me, but I had to tell her (I tend to be very direct with my opinions), “Baby, from your perspective, you think the guy (she’s heterosexual) is the one who has to meet your list of requirements, but you can’t just tell me you’re a pretty girl. He has to meet your tastes, but you can’t sum everything up with your beauty.”
She reply me, “Kim, I talked about this with Danielle, and she told me to post pics where I look sexy…”
OMG! I told her, “Honey, I’ll say it again, it’s not all about physical beauty. When a guy checks all your boxes—and I know him well—you can’t expect him not to look for something beyond the superficial. Being in a relationship isn’t just about what he can offer me long-term, but also what I have to offer him… I mean, don’t expect him not to have his own checklist too, and maybe you had something that didn’t meet his, especially if you’re aiming for such a high target.” I added, “Danielle’s advice is fine, but the pictures I’ve seen on your IG lately aren’t for someone likely looking for a monogamous relationship.
People don’t have the obligation or the right to tell you what to do, but in short, I’ll tell you something that applies to business: ‘cheap prices attract problematic customers.’
You love high-quality clothes, and if you find the same brand on sale, you check it out, and if you like something, you wear it once or twice. But let me ask you, do you take care of something you bought at full price the same way? Would you even give it away?
What I’m saying is, if he has his checklist and sees your pictures, all I can tell you is that sometimes it doesn’t hurt to be mindful of what we share. Because if what you post is for the public, there’s nothing left to desire in private.”
She was stunned after my opinion, and let it be noted, I never gave her advice. I believe people are free to form their own judgment after hearing opinions—I apply that myself.
Monogamy is the new taboo. Before, making videos or taking pictures in underwear or swimsuits and posting them somewhere was taboo, but I think there’s a time for everything, and anyone can do it if it’s within their preferences.
Just don’t contradict yourself by saying you want a monogamous relationship while doing the complete opposite. For example—and I’ll clarify, everyone is free to do what they think—but you can’t look for something on social media that you want in private. I mean, Don’t ask for a monogamous relationship if what matters to you is being admired like a Hollywood star. And that’s not wrong, but then I think you should look for another social media star.
Always chase what you want, and I’m sure you’ll get it, but let what you want align with what you do. It’s like astrology—all the planets will align, and you’ll attract what you want when your thoughts align with your actions. 😉
Yesterday, saying goodbye to a friend because I had this flight, she spent half the dinner arguing with her boyfriend because she was glued to her social media, with thousands of friends. As far as I know, he’s a guy with a more private focus. She’s very pretty, but so empty inside. We finished dinner while she was crying and taking a selfie, saying, “my life is mine alone, even if it hurts.” I just thought about how irrational even that phrase was.
These two examples help us understand a bit that people will always be driven by emotions first and foremost. And second, I know very few people who control that first impulse and act rationally.
You can’t expect the whole world to revolve around you. I know if you’ve made it this far, it’s because you understand the difference. I invite you to learn to know yourself and control yourself, then to act and make rational decisions.
Personally, I’m selective, and I follow my own rules, which were shaped after a foundation of principles I’m grateful to my parents for.
The concept of fidelity is undervalued. You’re not faithful to someone else—you’re faithful to yourself. If that principle matters to you, you apply it. It’s about valuing yourself, whether you’re alone or with someone.
Life is simple, as long as you understand its rules..
Bye now!
